Welcome to the beer store. First, Thank you for forming a
line out of our store this frigid afternoon. We are truly flattered. We’ve put
a lot of work into the new flatbreads and pretzels and its nice to see you all
leave work early to enjoy them. Secondly, today is a great day. Today is the
day I get to inform all of you that there is no Zombie Dust bottle sale –
although many of us talk over the phone frequently about how there is no Zombie
Dust – today I get to tell you eyeball to eyeball. All at once. One giant gully
gushing river of truth. So let’s just let that sink in…please, take a deep
breath….andddddddd exhale. I’d like to thank each and every one of you for
coming out today to stand in our parking lot. But before I let you go, out of
courtesy, I want to clarify a few questions that very well may be swirling
around in that little brain of yours right meow, OK? Number 1: NO, I never had any Zombie Dust.
Number 2: YES, that means I am a gluttonus back stabbing, lets not forget time
wasting, petty liar. Number 3: Even if I had a few cases of Zombie Dust, I
would rather commit unspeakable sexual acts with a ravenous gang of horny
gypsys then sell any to you R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D A-S-S L-I-C-K-E-R-S. Sorry, I
digress. Number 4: Today’s special is a lovely risotto beef soup for $4.99. So,
that should just about do it as far as clearing up any confusion or anxiety you
may be feeling right now so come on in and warm up! As a special treat for your
patronage, we’ve dropped the bottle charge on Otter Creek Overgrown pale ale. I
know how much y’all love pale ales.
Buh Bye
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